I Am Clare Hreschak’s Daughter

This is my abusive mother - Clare Hreschak.

This is my abusive and pedophilic mother – Clare Hreschak.

I originally outed my mother in a note on Facebook, two days ago. Within those two days, my note received over 100 shares and countless replies. Unfortunately, Facebook decided to force remove my note. I will not get in to the hypocritical nature of the usurping of my story – we all know what type of filth and hate Facebook allows on its site. But I refuse to be silenced any more. I ask all of you to please SHARE this and spread the word.

This is my attempt at finding some justice in a system that makes it near impossible for an adult child of a child abuser to seek recourse against her perpetrator. I realize no one likes to read more than a few sentences on Facebook, but I ask that you take just a few minutes to read and please SHARE this story to your wall if you feel so inclined. It would mean a lot to me.

I Am Clare Hreschak’s Daughter

In the aftermath of the most horrific mass shooting our country has ever seen, a courageous woman wrote about her own nightmare and burden, comparing herself to the slain mother of a mass murderer. The article, entitled “I am Adam Lanza’s Mother” blew a hole through our fractured mental health system. Her intent, as I understood it, was to show the world that, despite all of her attempts to seek help, the “system” continues to fail her and she is frightened – very frightened – of her own son. And she wants help.

Monsters really do live in closets.

I am Clare Hreschak’s daughter. I, too, have sought help. My first therapy session was at age 13. By 35, I had seen over a dozen psychotherapists and psychiatrists. I’ve had more diagnoses than fingers. But there is one constant diagnosis with regards to my ill functioning brain – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I once begged to be checked in to a psychiatric hospital. In 2012, I was eligible to participate in a drug trial at The National Institute for Mental Health in DC, where I stayed as an inpatient for four months. Why? Because as a child, I was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused at the hands of a woman – my mother.

For the sake of this story, I am referring to my mother by her current married name. Before Hreschak, she was Mallino, and before Mallino, she was Agnolucci. My mother is a public school teacher, currently teaching middle school children at Palm Springs Community Middle School (formerly, Jefferson Davis Middle School) in West Palm Beach, Florida. Yes, I’m outing her. Because, despite the crimes of which she made me a victim, she also had sex with a sixteen year old boy when I was fifteen years old, in our home. I was there, with my boyfriend at the time. There was an investigation, but nothing ever came of it. She continued to teach and still does to this day.

I was abused on a daily basis, but because this is not a book, I will stick to the most damaging atrocities. Between the ages of eight and ten, every weekend, my mother forced me to visit her pool- hall junkie boyfriend, a man by the name of Jimmy Reid, whose living situation consisted of various cheap motel rooms. During those visits, I was forced to watch Jimmy and my mother have sex. In fact, that’s all they did. It was a curious situation – every motel room Jimmy rented only had one bed. I had few options: either sit on the same bed where they were having sex, sit in a chair that faced the bed where they were having sex, or hide in the bathroom. I can remember instances while hiding in the bathroom, my mother calling out, “what are you doing in there” – as if to say, “Why aren’t you out here watching us fuck?” Beyond the sex, their interactions were always sexually gratuitous – it was normal for Jimmy to grab my mother’s vagina while kissing her good-bye.

On the car ride home from several of these sexual exploits, my mother would find a reason to scream at me, I had engaged in some imaginary wrong doing that would cause her to become irate. My punishment was my mother flooring the gas pedal as we traveled down a busy road and her threatening to “slam the car into a brick wall and kill us both”. I believed, without a doubt, that my own mother was going to murder me.

What makes this situation a purposeful crime against my innocence is that during these years, my mother and I lived with my grandparents. There was no logical reason I had to join my mother to these motel rooms and watch her have sex. She could have easily left me with my grandparents. This is sexual abuse – at the hands of a woman.

Along with the sexual abuse, my mother was violently physically abusive. She has punched me in the face and blackened my eyes – to which I was instructed to go to school and tell people that I accidentally “ran into the stationary bicycle”. I was strangled on a number of occasions and once again, instructed to lie when I went to school. This time, it was a “sun rash”. Many times my mother publicly dragged me by my hair down the street as I screamed for help, but no one ever came. I was beaten more times than I can count with wooden salad spoons and told that if I cried, she would beat me more. I was slapped, back-handed, knuckles protruding, on a regular basis. Her knuckle bones seemed as round as globes. I was forced to sit on my knees, facing a corner, for hours. I am embarrassed to admit that I was beaten numerous times for not being able to have a bowel movement every day when I was a little girl.

As for the emotional abuse, she spewed it out as if she were vomiting up spoiled food. I am my father, I will grow up to be nothing, I am useless and ugly. One Christmas, she refused to purchase a Christmas tree or presents, but offered to pay for a nose job. This was her way, once again, to beat down and crush my already fragile self esteem. If I made an A- on a test, I was berated because it wasn’t an A+. As punishment, she took scissors to all of the clothes in my closet. She cut and cut until there was nothing left. She cut until there was nothing left of me.

My final beating occurred when I was fifteen. My mother leapt from a chair, grabbed me by my hair, tossed me to the ground face-first, forced her knee into the small of my back and proceeded to slam my face numerous times against the floor. As she did this, she screamed, “I’m going to kill you”. I was fifteen and thought, finally, my life is over. Finally.

It was at that moment I was able to escape. I ran away and lived on the streets of Florida for six months. I’ll spare you the sad stories of what a fifteen year old girl sometimes has to do in order to not sleep in a park bathroom. (Something I’ve actually done.) But I lived. And at sixteen, the father I never knew flew to Florida and put me on a plane to Pittsburgh, where I lived until I was eighteen.

As for my mother, I have never spoken to her again. During the years she abused me, I was summoned to the school office once and asked about my home life situation. I lied. I lied because I was terrified of what my mother would do if she found out I told them the truth. During those years, not a single family member stepped in to rescue me. Now that I’m older, and no longer under my mother’s thumb, I have no way of prosecuting her for her crimes. The justice system surrounding adult children of child abusers is a fractured system. The statute of limitations removes the possibility of prosecution once an adult is willing and able to confront the crimes caused by our perpetrators. The bruises are gone. All that remains is a brain injury. Adult children of child abusers are the only group of victims told to “forgive” their perpetrators without any real justice served. My mother will never see the inside of a jail cell. She continues on with her life, now remarried and with a son who is about to graduate high school. I’ve made several attempts to contact him and make him aware that if he ever needs a place to run, that my door is always open to him.

Unfortunately, my life has not continued. I am still my mother’s prisoner. I am Clare Hreschak’s daughter. I do not leave the confines of my bedroom. I have tried and taken more psychotropics than I can count. I’ve been to therapy. I’ve seen the bleached white walls of psychiatric institutions. I don’t sleep. I am unable to properly convey to the best man in the world, my husband, just how much I love him. I am emotionally absent yet filled to the brim with resentment toward a system that does not acknowledge the crimes that were made against me, crimes that severed part of me and now I stumble around as if I have a phantom limb. I can feel that part of me that is missing. I am a phantom person. But now I’m ready for as many people to know who this phantom person is:   I am Clare Hreschak’s Daughter.

I do not want anyone’s pity. I want, what I believe many adult children of child abusers want – acknowledgement. I can no longer carry this abuse around in silence. If the current justice system is unable to acknowledge the fact that I have been a victim of numerous crimes at the hands of my own mother, then I feel that I’ve been forced to create my own justice. That justice, for me, is to OUT the sadistic and dangerous criminal slithering about her community, working at your public schools, and still abusing.

My mother is Clare Hreschak. Clare Mallino. Clare Agnolucci.  And I am her daughter.


Public Records Show:  http://florida-white-pages.virtualyp.com/Hreschak-Clare-1745811.html

Clare Hreschak
211 Costello Rd
West Palm Beach, Florida 33405
Telephone: 561-493-4647

If you are interested in reaching me, the author of this “short” memoir:

Rachel Mallino Fowley
rachelmallino@gmail.com

I am also asking that any former or current students of Clare Hreschak to please leave a comment here on wordpress or on my facebook  page, where a post has already been started,  with your own story regarding misconduct and inappropriate behavior by Clare Hreschak.  If you do not feel comfortable leaving a public comment, please email me.

 

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227 thoughts on “I Am Clare Hreschak’s Daughter

  1. Savannah says:

    Oh my god. My mind is blown right now. I went to PSCMS, but I never had her. Yet every single one of my friends who had her would complain CONSTANTLY about her class and how mean she was. I always thought something was wrong when they talked about her.

    Rachel, you’re a strong women. You’ve made it through this, you can make it through anything. My mother, brother and I all suffer from PTSD and I know the burden it lays on you. I hope to god that she is taken out of the school system and justice rains upon her. I hope you get your justice.

  2. Regina says:

    I have been following your story since I saw the FB post on E.(G)K.’s page. I am so very sorry FB took your original note down and you lost your comments, that is a real shame. I said it before, and I’ll say it again…you story is heartbreaking, and I feel terrible you had to endure something so awful. Although we attended school together for only a short time, I do remember you well and wish I would have known you better back then.

    I’m happy you found another outlet to share your story with others. I used to teach in Palm Springs (Elem) several years ago. I forwarded your first post to some teacher friends who then passed it to other parents who have children that attend the school. I’m glad someone finally took action and removed her (hopefully permanently) from the classroom. Although I am outraged this woman was teaching for this LONG without incident, (I refrain from referring to her as your mother because she deserves no such title) I can sadly say I’m not surprised. I’ve witnessed some awful behavior from administrators, parents, and sometimes other teachers in my years teaching. When I’ve tried to make it right, or bring to to the attention of a higher up, I was the one reprimanded. I’ve met with the teacher union more than I can count. Sadly, I think many great teachers are put into this position (The good ones only want what is best for their kids). So I got out of teaching, for now, and decided to focus on raising my own family.

    I really do hope your story begins to facilitate big change. Not only in the prevention of child abuse at home, but I strongly feel the schools system needs to be completely restructured. You should not have suffered at home as a child. If the school had their suspicions back then, they should have done more for you…..they failed you.

    I also hope that the people who were a part of your life back then that knew (or suspected) what was happening, STEP UP for you now. They failed you as well….this is their second chance to make it right.

    From what I can see here, you have an overwhelming amount of love and support from friends and strangers alike (myself included). Even if all of this doesn’t bring the justice you deserve, please know WE BELIEVE YOU. WE SUPPORT YOU. Don’t let her define who you are. Clare may have squandered her gift, the love of her child, but you have your gift…… your child. She needs her Mama, and you need her. Love her and cherish her and show her what a strong, brave Mama she has.

    You will make her proud

    • Rachel Mallino says:

      Regina, thank you so much for the thoughtful and kind reply. And you are right – it is now everyone’s “second chance” to acknowledge and stand up for me. A few family members have already done so and I’m so grateful for it. I am doing this for my daughter and my husband, because I need to heal in order to show them the love they deserve. This is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life and I hope it encourages more adult children of child abusers to speak up, because silence kills.

      • Jenny says:

        I am afraid to speak up because my horrible mother found out I was suffering domestic violence, about to file for divorce, was awaiting trial for domestic violence charges for him, etc…She used the opportunity to contact him and together they kidnapped my kids and took them out of town to a judge his family knew. They’re still there, like little hostages. This was the big opportunity she had been hoping for, to try to take my children. She wasted my childhood using me to make herself look good and on her self-absorption. Other than that she ignored me. I used to wear dirty clothes & too short clothes to school. I never had my homework or projects done.She always asked after school conferences what my teachers thought of her and if they said she was “pretty.” Seriously, every time, and my grades were failing. Never a word about that. She used to tell me she was too tired to talk to me and then drank wine and talked to herself while she reminisced about compliments and had fantasies of herself as everyone’s dream woman. Now she calls herself a mother. I got away from her at 14 years, and she never looked back, didn’t care, but now she pretends to be a real mother. I was raised by my dad and his family while she flitted around the country in search of attention. He died a few years ago so there’s no one to help me now.

        These women (especially obvious when they have sex in front of you and seek attention as if it’s a religion) are even more dangerous when they get too old for male attention because they HAVE to have it and will use anyone and any situation to get it. I graduated from high school (big surprise because I was way behind after junior high with her) and then college so it was a big change when I escaped the witch.

        Your “mother” might have gone after your children and everything important to you when she reached a certain age if you had not exposed her. Then it would be your word against hers, and that is the position I am in. I am so glad you spoke up and people are listening and supporting you. One thing I have discovered is that if you don’t speak up first, she will spread rumors and lies and you will have a hard time getting out from under them. That’s part of sociopathy. They ruin you before you can expose who they really are. Validation is truly what we need and I am so, so, so happy to see you getting it. I hope to one day have your courage and speak up myself. Maybe when my kids are safe I will.

      • mandy says:

        Omg rachel your a strong women and your and our voices should be heard your right. Also im currently a student in PSMS and sadly i have her as a teacher.

  3. dania Benavidez says:

    Hi im dania Benavidez I’m shock about your story one of my daughters told me she had her as a teacher in 2007-2008 now I have a 13 year old daughter that goes to palm springs middle I’m glad you had the corage to talk you should take this to the school board.make justice

  4. Stacie says:

    As of today she has been removed from the class and she is under investigation! Keep this post moving!

  5. downcastmysoul says:

    Please go ahead and live your life: at least you are not a targetted individual stalked and harassed night and day. You can find hope. You can heal. You found a husband didn’t you? I am not ALLOWED to even have a boyfriend. Read the last comment here: so someone is finally looking at your mother’s crimes? Well bless you! Ti’s will NEVER be free nor will their perp o traitors brought to justice. Maybe I will go ahead and read this long comment thread.

    • melissa agnolucci says:

      this isn’t a contest of whose life sucks worse…… This is my cousin outing her mother, not looking for pity.

    • Rachel Mallino says:

      Right. Gotcha. I’m not sure if your tone is sarcastic – but if you are accusing me of “targeting” my mother – then you are correct, except, she has every right to be “targeted”. She abused me severely as a child, sexually, physically and emotionally. I have lived a torturous life. So, I will no longer have any type of discourse with you if you are here to “bait” me or imply that I am somehow in the wrong. My mother is a sociopath and a danger to society. Period.

      • downcastmysoul says:

        No your mother sucks. I have been reading the comments of her ex students. I’m only saying being a ti is even harder since you can NEVER escape the abuse. One day, your mother will pass away. Don’t let the psychiatric system steal your life like they have mine. Get into nature, learn to do art…heal. Be the mother to your daughter that you never had.

  6. downcastmysoul says:

    Part of the reason I became a ti is that my parents ignored me when I complained of poor treatment at school and elsewhere. Perp o traitors look for people that no one cares for. Parents also pretty much neglected me as a teen. Not to even hold a candle to your story though…..

    • Rachel Mallino says:

      What is a TI?

      • downcastmysoul says:

        Targetted Individual…someone who is stalked and harassed by a large group of people and generally kept down in life. You generally have to “piss someone off” to get suggested to be targettted. Read my blog.

      • downcastmysoul says:

        Reading a few of these comments by her ex students makes me feel as if she may be a perp herself…I keep wondering whilst everyone hated her class and HER no one ever complained about her teaching at least????

  7. My daughter goes there and I work in the media… Any better combination…

  8. downcastmysoul says:

    Reblogged this on dcms2 and commented:
    This woman was cruelly abused by her mother and boyfriends, ignored by her grandparents and everyone else…she was dragged thru the psychiatric system and given multiple diagnoses. Sound familiar?

    • Rachel Mallino says:

      Ok..I understand now. I was unclear of your intent

      • downcastmysoul says:

        Only good…I have had quite the voyage thru the psych system myself starting at age 14. No one addressed the abuse (bullying) I got at school and it grew into targetting possibly. I can’t BELIEVE none of the 100s or 1000s of your mother’s students never complained!

  9. Stephanie says:

    I have already shared my story with Rachel on FB but I want to make sure it is on here for every one to see. This HORRIBLE women was my 7th grade English teacher. I am now 27 years old. She never taught anything, talking was not allowed, she would never run the A C it was so hot. She yelled at you if you raised your hand and going to the bathroom was never an option. I complained and so did many other students to the principal and guidance and nothing was ever done. I knew the women was evil. It was a shock to hear she is still teaching. I will never forget her she was the worst teacher.

  10. Robin Chase says:

    Rachel, I have thought about you all day, trying to remember dates and such. I think it was1988 when our parents met.
    I know they were together Aug 88 that’s when I got married and she decided they needed to move into a house together in Wellington, even though she knew my wedding reception was planned for the house in the acreage, I was told we could go ahead and use the place but it would be empty. Of course we had to change venue at the last minute. I will always believe she did that just to be mean. Then Christmas came and she pitched such a bitch about the earrings my father gave me that he eventually asked for them back so she would shut up. I have read letters she wrote stating what a worthless piece of shit of I and will always be. I never understood what my dad saw in her. I despise her and always will. I pray she suffers at least half as much as pain as she has caused others and I witness her fall. I have audio cassettes of them arguing that my dad recorded, now I think I will have to dig them out for a listen. i have kept them all these years just to be able to hear my dads voice one more time, I guess now is the rime to hear whats really on them. Stay strong sweet child…YOU WILL FIND YOUR PEACE

    • Rachel Mallino says:

      Robin, I am so sorry and embarrassed that my mother did that to you. And I remember the fights – she used to tell me to sit in the car while she went buck fucking crazy, screaming like a banshee at your father. I could hear her screaming inside the house from the car outside. I was terrified to the point I almost peed my pants one day. She always took me to these crazy places where she did these outlandish things..things that would terrify a grown man, let alone a child under the age of ten. I’m so deeply embarrassed.Thank you, Robin, for not resenting me..I think some daughter’s would have. You have been a kind heart to me.

      • Robin Chase says:

        Rachel, I remember you as a young child, wanting attention like all children do, you were precious and beautiful. I enjoyed the times I spent with you. I just didn’t like your mother and still don’t. I will be here for you through all this. If I can help you I will.

  11. Kev says:

    I had her as a techer in 2002 and I can say she was the worst teacher i have ever had. She was an english teacher who didnt grade on spelling. She was never happy and always faked a smile.

  12. Brittany Putzig says:

    Actually, I DID complain, but when you’re in school and people just see her as a “strict teacher”, your complaints go in on ear and out the other….

  13. Shelly says:

    Oh wow!!!!! I would LOVE to forward this! Praying for justice and for your dear heart to be healed. You have been given the precious gift of a daughter, and YOU can be the mother you never had. I am praying for you to feel so unbelievably loved it will be as though Jesus is hugging you himself.

  14. Sheena says:

    Rachel, I truly commend you for having the courage to do what you are doing. There are far too many adult children of child abusers who NEVER get to see justice served by their abuser. Though your mother may not serve any time for the abuse she caused you the truth is finally out. By you stepping forward you are now letting everyone see and know the truth about this woman who should not be teaching or around children. I hope that since you have made this public you are feeling that you are now getting your life back and most of all begin to feel that you are truly an amazing woman, wife, and mother. Be proud of yourself and what you are doing for YOU, your child, husband, and any one else that has suffered from her abuse. You have regained so much of yourself by letting the truth out!!

  15. Leticia says:

    Rachel

    I have already expressed my run in with Clare as my teacher, but wouldn’t it be great to make a rally in front of her school or at school board with every student or parent that was effected by this piece of garage you have as a mother.

  16. Rachel, please know that both your cousin and I lend you strength, energy and support. A lot has happened very quickly in a very short period of time. You have a focus and a power that is incredible. Mountain is moving, Little One. Good job.

  17. MAS says:

    WOW!! BRIDGETTE SERIOUSLY?! SHAME ON U!! SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GETTINT ALL THE ATTENTION! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!!!

  18. MAS says:

    *GETTING

  19. Leticia says:

    Rachel

    Lets get this together. There is a lot of people following you on Facebook and here, the school board needs to hear what we have to say. As a mother of a 12 year old I wouldn’t want Clare to ever teach another child again. I totally support a rally or protest post this and let’s see how many more people students parents etc would go out and support us! This will also spread around in case there r still people here that have not heard your story. U have my email keep in contact!

    • Rachel Mallino says:

      Leticia, check your email.,…a dear friend in florida who has many contacts wants to help you organize a rally.

  20. sarah says:

    I am so sorry you have had to go through such a terrible thing. I am one of her neighbors & have always thought something weird was going on over there. I hear crazy screaming & cursing that is so loud it sounds like its coming from an intercom system. Next time I hear it I will call the police. I rarely see the boy & when I do he looks down at the ground & looks extremely depressed. I hope & pray that justice prevails….that woman needs to be locked away for LIFE.

  21. Shannon Casey says:

    Rachel, I read this very early this morning. I have been thinking of you all day. I had to digest all that you have had to endure. It is the type of abuse that is just soul crushing, my heart ached. I COMMEND you for every move you have made and then some in outing your abuser (she was not even close to being a “mother”). My so called mother (aka Cruella) should never have been allowed to raise me alone with no supervision. The nurses never should have handed me over to her at the hospital when I was born. The same goes for you!! I am here to totally support you!! I have PTSD from the emotional, verbal, psychological torture and sometimes physical abuse she put me through for decades! I am now 52 years old and never realized how she had such a control over my life, decisions I made and reactions I had throughout my life. I have never been to a therapist, could never afford one, and till recently never realized how I should have been in therapy and no contact with her. I always tried to make excuses and rationalize…Oh well, she was in foster care and orphanges growing up…she took all the abuse and rage and hate out on me. She raised me alone…I raised myself! Looking back now, she was “seemingly functional” at work and elsewhere, but man when she got home it was hell to pay for just being there. I live in downtown Delray Beach and would love to talk to you and/or meet you sometime. I find that people that were raised with a loving, caring, nurturing environment cannot grasp that this does happen and they victimize you even more with the ol “how could you say that about your mother”!!! The victim get even more victimized and shunned!! There is power in numbers and I so Get It!! My heart goes out to you…YOU are now hopefully getting vindication! Most likely never an genuine apology. Your voice is being heard by all of us and we are rallying behind you girl!!

  22. Rachel Mallino says:

    Hello All – Please be sure to read the “updates” section located on the left side-bar of the blog. I’ve received so many comments and emails from students and parents and I am encouraging ALL of you to make your voices HEARD. Be loud, uproarious, do not take “we can give you no information at this time” as an answer. Ask the school and school board to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY and most importantly – tell them your own experiences with Clare. Believe your children!!! Take a stand for them!! And ask why, after so many years of Clare’s unprofessional behavior in the classroom, she has remained a teacher at that school. Please, I URGE you to do what I’ve done – and that is to make yourself HEARD. I support all of you!!!!

  23. Rachel Mallino says:

    I URGE EVERYONE TO CHECK OUT THE PROTEST AND RALLY PAGE OF THIS BLOG!!!! (just look to the left side-bar, very top)

  24. Meteasha Wilson says:

    In December I made a complaint with the Principal and Counselor about Mrs. Hrscheak for deformation of character against my son who is a straight A honor roll student in honor and gifted classes. Of course the school acted as though it was not true and kind of blew it off. Which upset me!! She was also my sons 7th grade teacher. He would always tell me how mean she was to the kids, but he said she never really said much to him. But he always referred to her as mean.
    Rachel I am truly sorry for the loss of your child hood and what you endured. I care, and there’s many of us out there that do. Just by you sharing your story is a start for healing. I will pray for you daily. And I pray justice is served. Although it won’t erase the pain, atleast maybe your story can reach a state legislator and change the laws.
    Good luck and best wishes to you always you are a true hero!

  25. I Am Lady Quixote says:

    Rachel, I am in awe of you. I am so sorry for the hell on earth that you have lived through. But I am deeply grateful to you for outing your evil “mother,” and going public with your story.

    I did not survive my childhood, either. My life story is very similar to yours. Different details, of course, but the same level of insanity. I, too, have been in and out of counseling and hospitals over the years, beginning in my early teens, and given multiple diagnoses. But the one diagnosis that truly fits is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; PTSD, the “complex” variety.

    I am a great deal older than you, but emotionally I feel like I haven’t been able to grow up. For the past several years I have spent most of my time hiding from the world in my bedroom. I can barely function anymore. A good day is when I manage to brush my teeth, and I hate the feeling of scummy teeth.

    Both of my parents were unfit and abusive. When I was a child, my dad was diagnosed with both Schizophrenia and Multiple Personality Disorder, which today is known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. But my mother – who has never, to my knowledge, been diagnosed with anything, because she considered herself too “sane” to need a therapist – was by far the worst abuser.

    People don’t want to hear or believe my story. Too many terrible things happened in my childhood for it to all be true – that’s what I’ve been told. But what those doubters fail to realize is that if you have a parent who is evil and insane enough to try to gas the whole family to death while we were sleeping in our beds, you have a parent who is going to do many, countless neglectful, evil, and insane things over the years, not just one or two.

    Some people also find it hard to believe that BOTH of my parents were horrifically abusive. What are the odds of having not one, but TWO crazy parents? It took me quite a few years to figure that one out, but finally I realized that it’s really very simple: Like is attracted to like, just as birds of a feather flock together. It is rare that a perfectly healthy man or woman will be attracted to someone who is very mentally ill. There is usually a similar degree of illness on both sides, even if the illness in one is of the passive, co-dependent-victim type. In my parents’ case, they dropped out of high school when they were 16 to get married. They were still in their teens when I was born. I am the eldest of my siblings by many years, and I took the brunt of their immaturity and insanity. My mother was more mature and more stable during her second marriage, so my younger siblings did not experience the hell that I did.

    I am so tired of having PTSD! My husband is also on disability for severe, chronic PTSD. His was caused by the hell of war, from when he was in combat in Vietnam, way back in 1969 and 1971. Although it is easy to see signs of his PTSD disability, overall, he is far more functional than I am.

    My mother is still living, elderly, widowed, and she has grown even more hateful since her kind, enabling second husband died 3 years ago. In May of 2011 my mother wrote a 62 page hate letter to me, full of many outright lies, gross exaggerations, and evil projection. Unlike the other insanely long hate letters she has sent me in the past, this time she sent copies of her evil letter to my aunt, and other family members.

    All of my life I have hoped that my mother would someday outgrow her abusive nature, and tell me she is sorry for all the things she has done. But, as her number one scapegoat, she blames me for everything, including my own abuse – I “brought out the worst in her,” you see. She even said to me one time that I was a selfish fetus, robbing her body of nutrients, and giving her stretch marks and varicose veins. In her most recent crazy-long hate letter, she actually said that, although I have never asked her to forgive me for being her daughter, she forgives me, anyway!

    Believe me, I couldn’t be more sorry for being her daughter. But what that NUT doesn’t seem to realize is that I had no say in the matter.

    Well, I could go on and on, but I’m sure you get the picture. People wonder why I can’t just “get over” what happened so long ago. What they don’t seem to realize is that when severe, multiple trauma and abuse occurs during a child’s formative years, it fundamentally changes who that child grows up to be. Brain scans done on soldiers before and after being in combat have proven that extreme trauma literally changes a person’s brain structure – and we’re talking about the brains of full grown adults. How much more is trauma that happens throughout infancy and childhood, going to affect a child’s fragile developing brain and psyche?

    Telling someone with severe PTSD to “just get over it, it’s in the past” is as cruel as shaming a quadriplegic for not being able to get out of bed and walk, because the car accident that crushed their spine happened decades ago. The trauma may have happened in the past, but the injury it caused is still present~

    Paul Meier, M.D., author/co-author of over 80 books, and founder of the New Life Clinic in Richardson, Texas, diagnosed my PTSD in 2003. He assured me that having a Post-Traumatic Stress reaction to overwhelming trauma is NORMAL, just as it is normal to bleed if you are stabbed. (Of course, normal, in this sense, does not mean “healthy.”) My doctor also explained that not all trauma, and not all PTSD, is the same, just as no two automobile accidents are likely to cause precisely the same type and degree of injury. There are many variables involved in trauma – so, just because you may know someone who seems to function fairly well despite having gone through trauma, that has no bearing on your ability or inability to function. One big factor in how well a person handles trauma is determined by whether or not they have caring, affirmative family and/or social support. But, when we are growing up, and the abuser(s) IS our family, where do we go for support?

    My thoughts and prayers are with you, Rachel. I know this can’t be easy to do what you are doing. But again, I am very grateful that you are speaking out. For all of us who have grown up with one or more extremely abusive parent, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

    Lynda, aka Lady Quixote

    • Rachel Mallino says:

      Lynda,

      Your story is unbelievably horrific. My heart goes out to you. I, too, suffer from the “complex” version of PTSD, something the DSM committee still refuses to acknowledge, despite many respected doctors finding the diagnosis relevant. I’m a huge admirer of Judith Herman, the woman who coined the term and theorized its symptoms. Complex PTSD is very different from PTSD, from my perspective. I can fully sympathize with you when you speak of not leaving the house and only being able to brush your teeth. I have been there – in fact, I was there not long ago. Part of the reason I, too, waited so long to speak out is because I find the things I’ve been through and the abuses so terrible that people would simply not believe that I was telling the truth. I want you to know that I have some things in the “works” and would love for you to join this community once I’ve got it up and running. It is not a forum, but more of an organization. Details will come soon. If you ever need someone with whom you would just like to write a letter, please feel free to let that person be me. I will always listen. You have a friend here.

      Love,
      Rachel

      • Oh– Rachel, your precious reply brought tears to my eyes. And, wow, you know about Harvard Psychiatrist Judith Lewis Herman, MD, and her wonderful landmark book, Trauma and Recovery! I have read her pithy, scholarly book several times. My doctor recommended it to me (not Dr. Meier, another doctor) and when I read it I was amazed — finally, a book that made sense of my crazy life!

        I’m excited about the organization you are planning. Absolutely, count me in. If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know. And you, too, send a letter if you ever need to vent to someone, or just to have a private conversation with someone who understands, I want to be a friend to you, too.

        I have found that those of us who have survived extreme, multiple trauma and abuse, have one very special thing going for us: like a diamond that is formed under extreme pressure, and the beautiful pearl that an oyster creates in reaction to a painful irritant, people who know firsthand what hell on earth is really all about, often have a far greater capacity for empathy and compassion, than “normal” people.

        Speaking of which, this is my mantra (well, one of them): “Treat PTSD with C.A.R.E.: Compassion, Acceptance, Respect, and Encouragement.”

        I have known someone whose wordpress blog was shut down, blacked-out, due to complaints. I hope that does not happen to you — it would be yet another outrage if it did. But just in case, I hope you will save copies of all your posts and maybe even the comments, too, in your email, so you can easily recreate a new blog elsewhere if that happens. Just a suggestion.

        But what I want to know is, where were all these moral police when we were going through hell as kids? There was one time, when I was about 8 or 9 years old, when an elderly woman saw me playing all by myself in the parking lot after church, as I was waiting for my parents (my Schizophrenic/MPD/DID father was a minister, if you can imagine!) — and this woman came up to me and said, “I feel so sorry for you, with the crazy mother you have! I can hear her yelling and screaming from more than a block away! If I were a younger woman, I would try to take you in myself, to give you the love and care you need and deserve. But I am just too old…”

        I remember that I froze, and stared at her in shock. I didn’t know that anyone outside my family knew about the abuse! Heck, I barely knew, way back then, how wrong my home life was, because I was still so young that my giant parents were like gods to me. Their way of parenting was all I knew.

        It wasn’t much to cling to, but over the years of increasingly severe trauma and abuse, I often thought back to what that elderly woman had said, and felt grateful to know that at least one person in the world could see (or hear) what I was going through.

        Hugs and Love,
        Lynda

  26. raeme67 says:

    Dear one, You have a right to tell your story. May this be a first step in the long road to recovery. I admire your bravery in telling your story.

  27. Gabriela says:

    I went to middle school and the beginning of high school with Rachel. We were really close in middle school. My grandmother lived across the street from Rachel’s apartments and I have memories of us spending many days together in the summers during our middle school years. We used to play tennis together at her mom’s apartment and go swimming in the pool there too. This story has consumed me and all I can do is rack my brain to see what I can remember. This is my best effort at tidbits and memories I have of Clare and of us at the time. The strongest memory I do have is that I was very scared of Rachel’s mom. Anytime I went over to her apartment, I recall that her mom was a very negative person. She would yell at Rachel in front of me and sometimes she was mean to me too. If Rachel ever had to ask permission to do something, I recall that Rachel was very scared of her mother. Not in the way, that kids are scared of their parents but in a more frightened way. I was also always nervous any time I had to spend time in her apartment…and I think it was just because of her nasty demeanor….I do have somewhat of a memory of Rachel going to school one day with a black eye and her telling me some story of how she fell on something…and her story just didn’t match up but I never questioned it as a young girl. I also have a recollection that she would wear turtle necks in the wrong season but as far as seeing any marks on her neck, this I cannot recall. I remember that she would tell me that her mom would hit her and ridicule her but in my mind it was not “beatings.” I also remember that Rachel would sometimes come find me at my grandmother’s house crying because of something her mother did, said or made her feel…I just can’t remember specifics. I remember that her mother made her suffer emotionally and that she despised her mother. But I was unaware of the severity of the abuse. After reading this story, it does not surprise me that this went on. I always remember her mom as being an ugly person and none of this seems too shocking based on my memories I have of her. However, this story has made me extremely sad and I only wish I would have known so that maybe I could have helped her seek the help she needed. I pray that Rachel finds the peace necessary to heal her past and that Clare gets what she deserves for her actions. I congragulate Rachel for speaking up and letting her voice be heard.

    • Rachel Mallino says:

      Gabby, you were a good friend back in middle school. And I truly appreciate you speaking up and out with regards to how much you are able to remember regarding Clare’s persona and actions, and how I used to cry a lot to you. I kept a lot of things secret and wish I had spoken out more. Again, thanks for speaking up…it means a lot.

  28. John says:

    This is Rachel’s Husband. She is an incredibly strong person for surviving such a horrific childhood. I am very proud of the bravery she has shown by publicly sharing her story. Thank you to everyone for the outpouring of support. It is very much appreciated. Please continue to share this story. We cannot let victims of childhood violence continue to suffer in silence.

    • Cliff says:

      You are a good man, John, and a good man is hard to find! 🙂

      • Rachel Mallino says:

        He is the BEST man, Cliff! He’s a very stoic man, and I was surprised he even left a comment, but he believes in me and he has seen how Clare’s abuses have affected me, first hand. And he is still by my side and I know he always will be. I love him very, very much.

    • Carrol Mick says:

      John – She is a very strong and incredible woman. I have seen how this horrible woman has affected her negatively. I will continue to share this story and do whatever I can to help spread the word to help others and Rachel. You are a very wonderful man and Rachel and you are great for each other.

  29. Matt Dziedzic says:

    You’re doing it, Rachel !! I’m so hoping for you to have a real sense of peace really soon. Your quest is really taking off and I hope you can find a little time to reflect on how powerful you are for doing this and that you are holding your chin up high. Next you should take Kung Fu or something to complete the steel you’re becoming. Hiyaaaa !

  30. Diana McQuady says:

    Rachel, with all the turmoil you are feeling right now in sharing your story, I suspect there is one good thing that might not be acknowledged: you are ready to heal and you are starting to heal. It will take time, but you have such pure reasons to want to do so: your daughter and husband. Please be sure to include yourself in that list. Remember that in her actions and in her words your mother was full of sh!t. Everything she said was a lie–and her life of lies and hate is now being exposed. Your truth, however, is another story on the opposite side of the spectrum. You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are bright. You are brave. You survived. It might not feel like some of these things are true right now, but they are. The people who love and support you can believe for you until you can believe for yourself. Wishing you healing and all good things, Diana

  31. Tiffany Lomax says:

    I have been friends with Rachel since she was 17yrs old. For years I have watched the mental torment she has endured from her own twisted and sick mother. It was as if she was fading away. But I also have had the privilege to watch her prevail and be an outstanding woman, mother and wife. Rachel Mallino you are my best friend and I love you!

  32. Jennifer says:

    I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW SHOCKED I AM TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR MOTHER BUT TO BE HONEST I KNEW SHE WAS CRAZY IM NOT HERE TO BASH YOUR MOTHER BUT SHE WAS A VERY MEAN LADY I REMEMBER HER VERY WELL I NEVER KNEW SHE HAD A DAUGHTER I ALWAYS USE TO THINK WHO WOULD LOOK AT HER I REMEMBER HER ALWAYS HANGING ALL OVER THE MALE STAFF AND WALKING AROUND LIKE SHE WAS ONE OF THE STUDENTS EVERYBODY JUST TOLD ME I WAS A BAD STUDENT THAN WHEN MY BABY COUSIN STARTED ATTENDED SCHOOL SHE WAS ALSO IN HER CLASS MY COUSIN NEVER A PROBLEM WITH ANY OF HER TEACHERS BUT AGAIN IT WAS YOU ALWAYS HAVE THAT BAD TEACHER YOU DON’T LIKE AND THAT’S WHAT WAS SAID SO MY COUSIN SIT THROUGH IT THE WHOLE SCHOOL YEAR I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE WITH EVERYTHING THAT IS SAID SHE STILL TEACHES MY HEART GOES OUT TO YO

  33. I honor you for your attempt to seek justice for yourself. I am currently collecting stories to include as resources on my website http://www.toiletpaperpeople.com. I wrote a book about a very similar situation.

  34. violetwrites says:

    I worked with a young lady who told me how when she was 4 years old, her father would first beat the mother senseless so she could not stand up then take her to the bathroom and have sex with her, picking her up and pushing her on top of the sink – entering her backwards and anally as well. Although this was 13 years later, and her mom had died from cancer, I called the sex crimes unit and they came to interview. Although like you said, the time to prosecute had passed, my young lady had the happiest day of her life when she saw them arrest her Dad and bring him out cuffed for everyone to see in her neighborhood. My beautiful young lady (my client) got pregnant at 16 and moved in with her boyfriend who worked for the postoffice. I met him and he loved her. She would not marry him but she lived with him. Sex was not something she enjoyed but this is how she managed to escape. Another social worker, from another clinic where I had referred her for therapy got angry at me for doing this, but the sense of freedom and power she got from seeing him walking cuffed down the street was the happiest day in her life, at least that was what she said. The other social worker felt I was re-raising issues better left dead, but this type of pain never goes away and has to be dealt with for the rest of one’s life. I wish you well and may you have love and peace in your life. I am so sorry for your suffering.

  35. Sharon says:

    Rachel, I only read your story because it was posted on Facebook and showed up in my feed. I can empathize with some of the abuse you suffered. I am 49, and have my share of stories. In my experience, the key to healing ISN’T forgetting. You are right to be angry and speak out. However, your comment about forgiving one’s abuser made me realize…the forgiveness isn’t for the abuser. It’s for YOU. It was only by accepting that I was indeed, abused, and deciding to let go of the intense hurt and anger toward my mom, that I was able to heal. I decided I would END the residual emotional abuse by focusing my attention on myself and my own health, rather than her. Once I did this, I felt free of the negativity that was causing depression and other medical issues. Our anger never hurts the person we’re angry at; it only hurts ourselves. Over time, I found I was able to communicate better with my mom, even to the point of actually telling her how much she hurt me. She cried and asked me to forgive her. To my surprise, I was able to because I knew SHE was a victim of her own parental abuse. Finally, I had the mom I always wanted; I was with her when she died and it was a kind of closure for me. I know every situation is different and you may not ever have that with your mother, but I do want you to know that emotional peace is possible, once you decide that is worth more to you than any revenge on your abuser. Sounds like you have a good husband. That relationship is a good place to start, once you are ready to embark on a positive path. I wish you a future of love and health. Namaste.

  36. Rachel Mallino says:

    For those that privately emailed me their stories of abuse, or those of you who spoke publicly about your abuse in the replies section of this blog, I ask that you visit IACHD, the organization I’ve created specifically for adult children of child abuse to share their stories, artwork, and engage in various discussions such as “Diagnoses” and “therapy”. The website does not have a place to “join”(at the present time) – all stories are submitted via email to me but comments are left open. This is a great place for us to start talking and make our voices heard within a supportive community. Please visit all sections of the website, but our “blog” section is where we will share stories and allow for open discourse regarding various subjects.

    http://iamclarehreschaksdaughter.org/

    • Kay J says:

      Rachel,

      I will never be able to fully relate to your situation, but my heart goes out to you as well as to the son that is living with this monster. I’m glad you started up a group. I pray like crazy that this story helps get the boy out of the house as well as wakes up the entire nation to this type of situation. As far as I’m concerned, there should be NO statute of limitations because everyone heals at their own pace and the woman with the mother who wrote the 62 ish page letter also needs justice. How many hurt individuals are out there that need justice, need to see their parent taken in cuffs with their horrendous behavior made public? You are all in my prayers. I will be sharing your story in hopes that it will reach others that need to be reached.

      • Rachel Mallino says:

        Kay, thank you so much for your heartfelt response. It means more than you know.

  37. Sheri says:

    Rachel, you are a brave and a strong woman and I applaud you for what you’re doing to bring your abuser’s actions to light. Only light can banish darkness and you are shining a huge mega spotlight on the horrors you endured.
    My own mother was abused as a child, but raising me, she was the most protective and loving mother she could be. The cycle can be broken, and you are doing just that! There is hope.
    You and your family will be in my prayers as you continue this fight. Rock on!!

  38. Kait says:

    I’m floored by the amount of so-called mothers do this. My ex, his mother did these things too and he is an abuser now himself. Please expect backlash from people who know her – she’s more than likely extremely manipulative and will con anyone who questions her. I applaud you for being brave and I hope that one day you will be a mother and you will be able to provide your child with the life you never had.

    Know this: we believe you and we know who and what she is. A court may never provide you with such a statement but you are valid. Your experiences are valid. Your feelings, thoughts and suffering are valid.

  39. Breanna says:

    I have been in similar situations to this from my mother, but not quite as severe. I am 20 years old now, and not much I can do. about anything she did. I am completely supportive of you and your courage to step up and tell the world of what this woman has done to you. And to top it off I have friends who’s children go to that school she teaches in and I have shared the petition associated with your story to remove her from potentially harming anymore children. Thank you.

  40. Anna Fernandez says:

    I was in her class when I was in 7th grade (28yrs old now), she knew I had been bumped up to her class from being in a special education English class. She knew I wasn’t a strong reader and that she was instructed to help me adjust and be “easier” on me considering this was the first time in my school aged life, that I wouldn’t be in SLD classes.

    Even though she knew this, she constantly found ways to humiliate me and put me down. I remember one day in her class she upset me so much by forcing me to read aloud. I was humiliated! I was laughed at and called names by most of the class and she did nothing about it. I put my head down and cried. Another day, as she made snide comments about my grammar, I took my mechanical pencil and carved into my hand so that I would be sent to the clinic for the rest of her period ( to this day I still have the scar on my hand). I failed her class but she passed me anyways. I remember like it was yesterday what she said to me, “Im passing you Anna because I don’t want to have to see you again in this hall way, be someone else’s problem.”
    The next school year I was emotionally done with school. I lost all trust in teachers. It was bad enough I was being emotionally abused at home, I used to go to school happily because it was a safe place away from the abuse, but SHE took that safe feeling away from me.

    I am so sorry for what you went through and Im so sorry no one saved you from it when you were younger. I too ran away from the abuse and lived in the streets of west palm beach. I do believe that the time I spent there with the other homeless people, helped me to be the more humble and thankful person I am today. I am seeing a psychologist and therapist, and things are looking a little brighter now, I’m learning to not expect the worst and be more hopeful for the best.

    I hope you get the justice you deserve.

    • Rachel Mallino says:

      Anna, I am so sorry what you had to endure, not just having my monstrous mother as a teacher, but for your own troubles in life. I know what it’s like to live on those exact streets. I’m happy to be alive, honestly. If you ever want to talk, feel free to email me. I also have another blog called “calamity rae” on wordpress.

  41. I actually followed this link here from another of your posts outing another predator. I know I can say little to make you feel better, but I wanted to tell you, you are strong, and though I know you don’t want pity, I am so so so sorry you had to endure something like this. I am a mother to a little girl and since becoming a mom, stuff like this is that much harder to stomach. That predators like your mother exist is…insupportable. It’s something in this life I just can’t make sense of or reconcile, but you have helped so many people by posting this, you’ll probably never know; people who were her students, children who might have grown up to be her students, and even other people like yourself who just needed help finding the courage to speak up.
    Blessed be.

  42. aqilaqamar says:

    Reblogged this on Iconography ♠ Incomplete and commented:
    Please share your story like this woman, Clamity Rae.

  43. […] was originally posted on April 5, 2013 on a blog I created specifically to house this story. There, you can find hundreds of replies and a few follow up posts as this story went viral due to […]

  44. […] been almost one year since I publicly outed my childhood abuser. Her name is Clare Hreshcak and she is my […]

  45. I have read your stories and the comments. I have been pondering responding. Here goes

    My father beat, emotionally abused, and sexually abused me since the age if 6. At 16 I got a fake id and ran away. They never saw me again and never will. I have PTSD and will never be healed. I am also bipolar with seperation issues. I was beaten and raped while on sleeping pills by a man I thought I could trust. That was 2009. I became agoraphobic. I could live here and never leave and be content.

    I decided to fight back. I feared for my safety, I got a service dog and trained him. He’s massive 160 lbs. He cost me several thousands of dollars and was totally an investment in myself.

    I can leave my house and not fear strangers. He protects me and body blocks to keep them back. Why? Because that’s his job. I would never get a little dog I wouldn’t feel safe. Knowing my dog will run full boar out and not stop even with a 9 mil going off in his ear comforts me. My dog looks at people and says with a glance “if you hurt or threaten her or think bad thoughts and throw bad vibes, the worst you can imagine is nothing compared to what I’m thinking of doing to you. I will eat your face”

    Have you thought of a service dog to help you? Not only will you feel safe but this dog will teach you to love and trust. Something I never knew before.

    Don’t get me wrong, I still have days. But when I am needing him he’s there. Just a thought.

    • Rachel Mallino says:

      Hi, yes…I have thought about having my own dogs getting trained, as a matter of fact. I have English Springer Spaniels and they have been used in the military and law enforcement. They are extremely intelligent dogs but have loads of energy. My husband is a protector. But I want to be more independent. I definitely think that a trained service dog should be my next step, especially since I love dogs/animals. It will give me some confidence in myself as well as comfort.

  46. Karla says:

    i had her as an Engkish teacher in Jefferson Davis. Never liked the bitch. She put me down several times for not reading well enough out loud. I was rally shy. She’s a piece of crap. You should write a book. I’m sorry this was your past. You deserved better.

  47. Unknown says:

    I go to Palm Springs Community Middle School and I currently have your mother as my teacher… I am always scared to even talk or do anything in that class to get me yelled at. If someone even makes a sound she would start to yell. One time i had my sisters phone in my backpack and someone called the phone started vibrating (i was wishing that sound didnt come from my backpack) and thats all you could hear. Ms. Hreshack looks at my and gives me a death glare , my heart was probably was racing 100 miles per second i quickly turn the phone off and i was terrified. When she gives out a class assignment at the end of class she says ” turn in the assignment IMMEDIATELY or you will get a zero ” , and ” even if your not finished or if you have not put your name on it oh well ” , and of course everyone stands up at the same time and turns in what they did. If you do one little mistake like for example pick up a laptop on an empty desk and she didnt tell you to you get a detention. If you for some reason you talk or laugh you get 3 things detention , a referral and you go to the assistant principles office. Her homework is just to much , she gives you 20 words you have to define them , write something that reminds you of that word and 2 sentences for each word with the word inside the sentence thats 40 sentences a week. She has yelled at students for no reason at all , like me i didn’t do something right because i didn’t know at the time and she completely embarrassed me. I really want to switch out of that class so bad but their not doing a lot of switchs anymore. I believe that Clare Hreshack should not be teaching at Palm Springs Community Middle School or anywhere matter of fact.

  48. isaiah says:

    Wow I can’t believe this I had her as a student at palm Springs middle she was horrible

  49. Kimi says:

    Wow!!! I went to what was then Jefferson Davis, and she taught across the hall from my homeroom. She was a scary woman!

  50. henry says:

    I had her as a teacher when I went there. She was so explosive angry all the time nothing was ever right in her class I could not stand her neither could my father that was called there multiple times because me and her would get into it about sometging. Keep this going. She needs to pay!!!

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